It has beet a while..
First it was my birthday, then it was busy times at school and home, then it was the death of my father, then it was the holidays. I am sorry to have left you for so long. But I can tell you, I am more than happy to begin again. So here we are. things have changed a bit since we have blogged. I have turned 28, and I became a girl with out a father.
I guess you could say i am just a widowed daughter, or a child who's father died. Im not really sure the terminology. What I can tell you is that I have a wonderful family.
Here is your brief update. My father died. He ultimately died of pneumonia/respiratory failure. In other words, DEPRESSION and the fact that when you are sad and can not get over it you will one day die of an unhappy heart. That is what happened to my father. Some time in 1998, things changed in his life. The love of his life left him. He just was unable to get over this and went down a spiral demise from this time forward.
So, today I can say, my dad died. He is dead. I can not bring him back to my life. And I HATE the idea and thought of DIVORCE. Even if you can be the most mature individuate you can be. This will suck for your kids.
I will write more about how I feel about my dad and his life that is not here anymore. But at this point, I am more sad than when I began. So I will begin another day. Love you all.
Jennifer
In dedication of my father.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Good Riddance Summer
There is something evil or for better words, transformative of summer time. is that a word?
Giselle was a great little sister before school let out. She some what ignored the fact she had a sister. When summer break began, it was an entire new ball park. 24 hours a day with sissy might have been a little too much. Something changed. Giselle began to need for me to "watch me, watch me" for every little insignificant movement she made. Don't get me wrong. She is an amaizinglysmartbeautifulcreativethoughtfulinovativeintuitive little girl. I adore her. And she is my lovely. I also will preface that, humbly, I admit I looked down on the mothers that begged for summer to be over due to the fact they were tired of their kids. I used to think "You fucking bitches, summer is the time to play and spend non-stop with your child. Why would you hate summer?" But I must say, I understand you now. And..... I am sorry for judging you. Let me explain. I LOVE spending any time with Giselle AND Lola Bean. However, this summer had a new effect on the first born than I have ever seen. She became needy of time, attention, exciting emotion, praise and anything that falls under that umbrella. I am an aware parent. I did not want Giselle to think she was less important. I paid plenty of attention of Priss to be sure I didn't no favor the "NEW" child.
No matter how hard I worked, it didn't matter. Summer came and FUCKED it all up.
Now school is back. Giselle is back. She has become the Best Sister I could ask for. She ADORES Lola. Now Priss WANTS to help. She plays with her. She watches her. She keeps an eye on her. She is fitting into the Big Sister role that I hoped for. While not compromising her individualism or independence.
Please let me thank Jim, Brandon, Our family, and every one that makes it possible for Giselle to attend this school. I believe this is our ticket to the best education Giselle could get. It is best for her. She loves it. We love it. Maybe one day Lola can excel with it.
Giselle was a great little sister before school let out. She some what ignored the fact she had a sister. When summer break began, it was an entire new ball park. 24 hours a day with sissy might have been a little too much. Something changed. Giselle began to need for me to "watch me, watch me" for every little insignificant movement she made. Don't get me wrong. She is an amaizinglysmartbeautifulcreativethoughtfulinovativeintuitive little girl. I adore her. And she is my lovely. I also will preface that, humbly, I admit I looked down on the mothers that begged for summer to be over due to the fact they were tired of their kids. I used to think "You fucking bitches, summer is the time to play and spend non-stop with your child. Why would you hate summer?" But I must say, I understand you now. And..... I am sorry for judging you. Let me explain. I LOVE spending any time with Giselle AND Lola Bean. However, this summer had a new effect on the first born than I have ever seen. She became needy of time, attention, exciting emotion, praise and anything that falls under that umbrella. I am an aware parent. I did not want Giselle to think she was less important. I paid plenty of attention of Priss to be sure I didn't no favor the "NEW" child.
No matter how hard I worked, it didn't matter. Summer came and FUCKED it all up.
Now school is back. Giselle is back. She has become the Best Sister I could ask for. She ADORES Lola. Now Priss WANTS to help. She plays with her. She watches her. She keeps an eye on her. She is fitting into the Big Sister role that I hoped for. While not compromising her individualism or independence.
Please let me thank Jim, Brandon, Our family, and every one that makes it possible for Giselle to attend this school. I believe this is our ticket to the best education Giselle could get. It is best for her. She loves it. We love it. Maybe one day Lola can excel with it.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
what sleep schedule?
back to our old sleep schedule. luckily we dont have to stroll her to sleep like she does. but i would not say what we have is much better. at least she has her bed. she is back to her usual. sleep by 8. wake with in an hour or two. refuse to sleep the remainder of the night in anything but my cleavage in OUR bed. it is adorable though. the way she falls asleep these days. she squeezes my tit and pushes on it. just like an animal with their mother. quite sweet and endearing. although i did not mention what she does with her other hand. my inner bicep is layered with small bruises the size of a dime or less.. she fancies pinching and punching the inner area of my upper arm. i used to think it was cute. NOT any more. after nine months. not so much. i would like her to stop. so when the plan was to cut out at least one nursing session. i think we may have added one due to her teething.
if i had it my way, i would be prancing her around all my friends, all jims co-workers, all the people we know. she will gladly add a smile to your face. she is so goofy and quick to attempt to make you laugh. she is way better than your lame-O therapist. i swear.
she is quite the different child. she putseverygoddamnthinginhermouth. she moves so fast that i dont know how she gets from the living room to the bathroom, to the kitchen to pulling up on me while i have a hot pot in hand cooking dinner. she is explorative. if that is a word. i have an issue with memories. as close friends may know. i dont remember all of what giselle was like during this time. it was only 7 years ago. WTF? but, i do remember her knowing what the word no meant. lola does not comprehend it just yet. she just smiles and laughs at me. all the while i think she is saying.... "who me? ha ha ha bull shit, im not going to stop this. it is way too much fun." in her head.
we have so much to look forward to. germs and all.
if i had it my way, i would be prancing her around all my friends, all jims co-workers, all the people we know. she will gladly add a smile to your face. she is so goofy and quick to attempt to make you laugh. she is way better than your lame-O therapist. i swear.
she is quite the different child. she putseverygoddamnthinginhermouth. she moves so fast that i dont know how she gets from the living room to the bathroom, to the kitchen to pulling up on me while i have a hot pot in hand cooking dinner. she is explorative. if that is a word. i have an issue with memories. as close friends may know. i dont remember all of what giselle was like during this time. it was only 7 years ago. WTF? but, i do remember her knowing what the word no meant. lola does not comprehend it just yet. she just smiles and laughs at me. all the while i think she is saying.... "who me? ha ha ha bull shit, im not going to stop this. it is way too much fun." in her head.
we have so much to look forward to. germs and all.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
when do i work?
more scheduling issues. not like before. i know how to handle giselle. husband. lola. willie. bilo. laundry. dinner. dusting. organizing. de-cluttering. facebook time. internet searching. design upkeep. school drop off/pick up. grocery shopping. texting. future planning. reading a fucking book every now and then. dishes. videography. interior design. clothes. dirty floors. plants. grass. showering. eating. working out. giving up the beauty of my tits up to nursing. day dreaming. socializing. family. blogging. photography. but i have one issue. my design business is booming.... when can i work? i have three free times, equaling 30-60 minutes a day for free time. most of which are filled with the above. now, since i have a customer or 10, i have to find time to design. and eventually create my OWN website so my clients can see i am legit and have talent. at what moment in the day do i include theworking/makingmoney/myfuture/mysanity/creativetime? not really sure. guess once i get paid i will use that money for a FUCKING nanny a couple hours once in a while.
on another note, here is my little lafayette to all my trueblood fans.
right?
on another note, here is my little lafayette to all my trueblood fans.
right?
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Rock. Sleep. Cry.
Failure!
Little Beaner Toot was NOT happy about mommy trying to change her sleep situation!
So, the usual plan is this (when I say usual, I mean it is the same action night to night down to the way I whisper in her ear to how I gently lay her in the crib)… One or both of us bath her/Prepare her for bed. I then sit in the rocking chair with LB. She lays on the Boppy (nursing pillow i could not live with out) as I follow the same night time ritual to get her to fall fast asleep. I sometimes need to pull out an array of creative tricks to seal the deal but for the most part, this is the way the first part of the evening goes.
Bean will typically wake any time between midnight to 3AM. At this time she just whines a little, one of us will go to get her and bring her in the bed (king size thank goodness) with us and she nurses to sleep. She will often times wake one-three more times through out the night (can not be specific because most of the time I don’t even remember) to nurse. We have been fine with this schedule/night ritual/sleep plan. Whatever you want to call it. Until the last week, I explained last night.
As I went into her room last night, I found Toot in crawling position waiting calmly for me to pick her up, change her and bring her in my room. But this time, after the diaper change, I sat down in her rocker and tried the new plan. … Uh… I wish I had a camera on her at this moment. Lo looked at me (did not even start to nurse yet) and just stared into my eyes. Her hands loosely together fidgeting, eyes stuck on my every movement, this little girl wanted to know “why the hell are we sitting here and not going into OUR bed?”
This lasted for what seemed like 20 minutes. She finally nursed. Fell fast asleep and I stood up, placed her sweet little fat ass into her bed. NOPE. She was not having that.
Cry
Rock
Sleep
OUR Bed
Kick (not sleep)
HER bed
Cry
Scream
Cry
OUR bed
SLEEP……Finally FUCK.
She then slept the night away until the morning.
Now, what is my plan tonight?
I have no damn clue.
Any suggestions?
Little Beaner Toot was NOT happy about mommy trying to change her sleep situation!
So, the usual plan is this (when I say usual, I mean it is the same action night to night down to the way I whisper in her ear to how I gently lay her in the crib)… One or both of us bath her/Prepare her for bed. I then sit in the rocking chair with LB. She lays on the Boppy (nursing pillow i could not live with out) as I follow the same night time ritual to get her to fall fast asleep. I sometimes need to pull out an array of creative tricks to seal the deal but for the most part, this is the way the first part of the evening goes.
Bean will typically wake any time between midnight to 3AM. At this time she just whines a little, one of us will go to get her and bring her in the bed (king size thank goodness) with us and she nurses to sleep. She will often times wake one-three more times through out the night (can not be specific because most of the time I don’t even remember) to nurse. We have been fine with this schedule/night ritual/sleep plan. Whatever you want to call it. Until the last week, I explained last night.
As I went into her room last night, I found Toot in crawling position waiting calmly for me to pick her up, change her and bring her in my room. But this time, after the diaper change, I sat down in her rocker and tried the new plan. … Uh… I wish I had a camera on her at this moment. Lo looked at me (did not even start to nurse yet) and just stared into my eyes. Her hands loosely together fidgeting, eyes stuck on my every movement, this little girl wanted to know “why the hell are we sitting here and not going into OUR bed?”
This lasted for what seemed like 20 minutes. She finally nursed. Fell fast asleep and I stood up, placed her sweet little fat ass into her bed. NOPE. She was not having that.
Cry
Rock
Sleep
OUR Bed
Kick (not sleep)
HER bed
Cry
Scream
Cry
OUR bed
SLEEP……Finally FUCK.
She then slept the night away until the morning.
Now, what is my plan tonight?
I have no damn clue.
Any suggestions?
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
sleep weaning & sleep training?
If you have spoken with husband or my self, you know that LB sleeps in her bed from 8ish until anywhere from midnight to 3AM. He & I like her in our bed after this first wake of hers. We enjoy her laying with us for some of the night. We love knowing she is safe. We love mornings waking with her next to us. We love to hear her little breath in between us.
But there is this little problem...
(is she fucking serious, ((my question @ 4AM) )She has began waking up in the middle of the night screamingcryingpissing(the pissed off kind)fussing the last week and it is really starting to test my patience and creating anger within my body.
I suppose it is time to sleep train/night wean. (I admit while I quietly weep inside)
I am not sure if I am really ready for this. At the same time, I am really in the need of sleep for longer than three hours at a time. I'm torn. (trying to be less dramatic)
I think it is going to be along night.
To husband, please forgive me. I will be a BITCH and short tempered the next few days due to lack of sleep.
To drivers on the road, be glad you can not hear my profanity from the inside of my car. I WILL be cursing you.
To any one in contact with me in the next few days. Please be patient, I will HATE you and all your short comings without forgiveness.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Ten reasons why I love Husband
There are many more reasons; this is just the ten of the moment.
1. He Supports me in ANYTHING I want to do.
Weather I want to learn to sew, play the piano, attempt to garden, grow my hair out, try this blogging thing, get thin, learn about wine or become a doctor, he will tell me “Go for it Baby”. All the while cheering me on and supporting me in any way he can. He says “anything that keeps you busy and happy, I’m all for it”. I love him for that.
2. He makes me a better woman/mom/wife.
When I meet him I didn’t recognize my self anymore. His meaning and morality surprised me. I didn’t think there were humans like him. Because of him, today I am proud of my choices, my mothering, and my ability to be a good wife. It is my daily goal to be a better woman/wife/mother. He thinks I’m doing a ‘hell of a job” and so do I. I recognize my self today. I love him for that.
3. He calls me HOT STUFF.
Husband likes to tell me when he thinks I look good. This encourages me to stay healthy, get up and put me self together for the day, & try to look good for him. I want him to find me attractive till we leave this place. The more he tells me he likes what he sees, the better I feel about my self. I love him for that.
4. He loves his mother.
We all know the saying. “How a man treats his mother is a good sign how he will treat you.” Husband loves and respects his Mama as well as each of his family members. I have fallen in love with his family bond. It would be lovely for all families to be like his. I love him for this.
5. He shares my love in nutrition & cooking. (Even if he does eat animals)
Some would say my idea of how we should cook for our families is “high maintenance”. (He might even say that, ha) Yet he thrives to cook a meal every night of the week like I do. He gets excited on the weekend thinking and researching the tasty meals we will cook. That is so sexy. To watch this man from start to finish attempt to keep the kitchen clean, (because that is the way I like it) to attempt to master time management in hopes to have each component be ready at just the right time, to see him cooking for me and for our family is simply lovely. I love him for this.
6. He keeps his hair long and keeps permanent facial hair because I love it.
The fact that Husband does things because “I like it” makes me smile. I love love love his long hair. It is just a HOT MESS. I love his face with scruff. And he hasn’t cut it since the day I told him this. Now that is love in this fucking Texas heat. I love him for this.
7. He looks hot doing a push-up.
Husband likes to stay in shape. This naturally attracts me to him. I like to watch him do push-ups. His arms & back are sexy. I love that he works out. I wish I could watch him body build all day…. Psh.. ok, that would be a little gay. But it is nice to watch him do push-ups. ☺ I love him because of this.
8. He opens the car door for me EVERY time.
This man is old school. (In the good way) He is not so traditional that it gets degrading; it is just the right amount. He loves that I make him coffee every morning, that I do the laundry, that I am home when he comes home and I love that he opens my door, takes out the trash and gets bugs out of the house. I love him for this.
9. He has NEVER been disrespectful to me.
Husband should write the damn manual on “How to be a Man & How to love your wife. He NEVER yells at me. He NEVER says anything nasty to me. He NEVER gives me an unkind eye. He NEVER looses his cool with me. He simply loves me. And it shows in every word, every kiss, and every action he takes. This is just amazing to me and it might just be why I married him. (Well, reason number one.)
10. His name is Jim.
Jim & Jenn. It sounds good together right. Ha. Yep. Duh.
I love Husband.
Ps. Lola Beaner Toot just took the biggest shit of her life so I need to go tend to that.
1. He Supports me in ANYTHING I want to do.
Weather I want to learn to sew, play the piano, attempt to garden, grow my hair out, try this blogging thing, get thin, learn about wine or become a doctor, he will tell me “Go for it Baby”. All the while cheering me on and supporting me in any way he can. He says “anything that keeps you busy and happy, I’m all for it”. I love him for that.
2. He makes me a better woman/mom/wife.
When I meet him I didn’t recognize my self anymore. His meaning and morality surprised me. I didn’t think there were humans like him. Because of him, today I am proud of my choices, my mothering, and my ability to be a good wife. It is my daily goal to be a better woman/wife/mother. He thinks I’m doing a ‘hell of a job” and so do I. I recognize my self today. I love him for that.
3. He calls me HOT STUFF.
Husband likes to tell me when he thinks I look good. This encourages me to stay healthy, get up and put me self together for the day, & try to look good for him. I want him to find me attractive till we leave this place. The more he tells me he likes what he sees, the better I feel about my self. I love him for that.
4. He loves his mother.
We all know the saying. “How a man treats his mother is a good sign how he will treat you.” Husband loves and respects his Mama as well as each of his family members. I have fallen in love with his family bond. It would be lovely for all families to be like his. I love him for this.
5. He shares my love in nutrition & cooking. (Even if he does eat animals)
Some would say my idea of how we should cook for our families is “high maintenance”. (He might even say that, ha) Yet he thrives to cook a meal every night of the week like I do. He gets excited on the weekend thinking and researching the tasty meals we will cook. That is so sexy. To watch this man from start to finish attempt to keep the kitchen clean, (because that is the way I like it) to attempt to master time management in hopes to have each component be ready at just the right time, to see him cooking for me and for our family is simply lovely. I love him for this.
6. He keeps his hair long and keeps permanent facial hair because I love it.
The fact that Husband does things because “I like it” makes me smile. I love love love his long hair. It is just a HOT MESS. I love his face with scruff. And he hasn’t cut it since the day I told him this. Now that is love in this fucking Texas heat. I love him for this.
7. He looks hot doing a push-up.
Husband likes to stay in shape. This naturally attracts me to him. I like to watch him do push-ups. His arms & back are sexy. I love that he works out. I wish I could watch him body build all day…. Psh.. ok, that would be a little gay. But it is nice to watch him do push-ups. ☺ I love him because of this.
8. He opens the car door for me EVERY time.
This man is old school. (In the good way) He is not so traditional that it gets degrading; it is just the right amount. He loves that I make him coffee every morning, that I do the laundry, that I am home when he comes home and I love that he opens my door, takes out the trash and gets bugs out of the house. I love him for this.
9. He has NEVER been disrespectful to me.
Husband should write the damn manual on “How to be a Man & How to love your wife. He NEVER yells at me. He NEVER says anything nasty to me. He NEVER gives me an unkind eye. He NEVER looses his cool with me. He simply loves me. And it shows in every word, every kiss, and every action he takes. This is just amazing to me and it might just be why I married him. (Well, reason number one.)
10. His name is Jim.
Jim & Jenn. It sounds good together right. Ha. Yep. Duh.
I love Husband.
Ps. Lola Beaner Toot just took the biggest shit of her life so I need to go tend to that.
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