Memory of daddy: The birth of Lola

If you know me, you know I have an issue with my memory. I have trouble remembering yesterday all the way to my youth. So this, is to document what I do remember...

I remember giving birth to Lola, and I remember calling my dad to tell him about her arrival. He didn't come that night, he didnt want to run into my mom, but he did come the next day. Jim had left to get a little rest, shower and bring me a few things. Ange was not there, Mom was not there. I was alone, with lola, and I was so tired. I was emotional. Sad that no one was there. Daddy walked in. I was so relieved. (I wish I would have told him that.) It was just me him and our new Lola. Reminded me of when he was there when I delivered Giselle. The difference.... He was in the delivery room for Giselle.
But not Lola. Per my request.
Daddy held her. He saw I was tired. He saw I needed help. He recognized I needed him. He took her. He sat on the over-sized chair they call a couch-bed. He told me to sleep. He told me "you rest, take a nap baby, I've got her." I rested. Couldn't really sleep. I was in pain, ecstatic he was there, excited about my new child, and worried he was fucked up all the same time.
Nevertheless, all was well. I closed my eyes for about an hour. Listened to her sweet sound and daddy soothing her. Feeling the pain in my neck and the warmth of the heating pad the nurse was so kind to give me.
He didnt stay long. He needed to pick up the kids from school. I understood. He saw I was in pain. He asked how long it had been since I had pain meds. I told him, "To long, but I have to wait 6 hours." He quickly offered two vicoden and a soma. While I thought, "that is a good combo at a time I need to make milk" but I just said thank you, pretended to take them and thanked him for coming.
He came to check on me twice at home with in two weeks. Once alone and once with Flor and the kids. I wanted him to stay longer. I wanted him there more. I wanted more visitors. And he knew that. But I wanted just him. Not Flor, not his new kids. Just my daddy. Selfish, I know, but that is what I needed.

That's it. My memory. I want to keep them fresh. I want to remember them. even if they were his worst days.

when do i work?

more scheduling issues. not like before. i know how to handle giselle. husband. lola. willie. bilo. laundry. dinner. dusting. organizing. de-cluttering. facebook time. internet searching. design upkeep. school drop off/pick up. grocery shopping. texting. future planning. reading a fucking book every now and then. dishes. videography. interior design. clothes. dirty floors. plants. grass. showering. eating. working out. giving up the beauty of my tits up to nursing. day dreaming. socializing. family. blogging. photography. but i have one issue. my design business is booming.... when can i work? i have three free times, equaling 30-60 minutes a day for free time. most of which are filled with the above. now, since i have a customer or 10, i have to find time to design. and eventually create my OWN website so my clients can see i am legit and have talent. at what moment in the day do i include theworking/makingmoney/myfuture/mysanity/creativetime? not really sure. guess once i get paid i will use that money for a FUCKING nanny a couple hours once in a while.

on another note, here is my little lafayette to all my trueblood fans.

right?

sleep weaning & sleep training?

If you have spoken with husband or my self, you know that LB sleeps in her bed from 8ish until anywhere from midnight to 3AM. He & I like her in our bed after this first wake of hers. We enjoy her laying with us for some of the night. We love knowing she is safe. We love mornings waking with her next to us. We love to hear her little breath in between us.

But there is this little problem...
(is she fucking serious, ((my question @ 4AM) )She has began waking up in the middle of the night screamingcryingpissing(the pissed off kind)fussing the last week and it is really starting to test my patience and creating anger within my body.

I suppose it is time to sleep train/night wean. (I admit while I quietly weep inside)

I am not sure if I am really ready for this. At the same time, I am really in the need of sleep for longer than three hours at a time. I'm torn. (trying to be less dramatic)

I think it is going to be along night.

To husband, please forgive me. I will be a BITCH and short tempered the next few days due to lack of sleep.

To drivers on the road, be glad you can not hear my profanity from the inside of my car. I WILL be cursing you.

To any one in contact with me in the next few days. Please be patient, I will HATE you and all your short comings without forgiveness.

Ten reasons why I love Husband

There are many more reasons; this is just the ten of the moment.

1. He Supports me in ANYTHING I want to do.
Weather I want to learn to sew, play the piano, attempt to garden, grow my hair out, try this blogging thing, get thin, learn about wine or become a doctor, he will tell me “Go for it Baby”. All the while cheering me on and supporting me in any way he can. He says “anything that keeps you busy and happy, I’m all for it”. I love him for that.

2. He makes me a better woman/mom/wife.
When I meet him I didn’t recognize my self anymore. His meaning and morality surprised me. I didn’t think there were humans like him. Because of him, today I am proud of my choices, my mothering, and my ability to be a good wife. It is my daily goal to be a better woman/wife/mother. He thinks I’m doing a ‘hell of a job” and so do I. I recognize my self today. I love him for that.

3. He calls me HOT STUFF.
Husband likes to tell me when he thinks I look good. This encourages me to stay healthy, get up and put me self together for the day, & try to look good for him. I want him to find me attractive till we leave this place. The more he tells me he likes what he sees, the better I feel about my self. I love him for that.

4. He loves his mother.
We all know the saying. “How a man treats his mother is a good sign how he will treat you.” Husband loves and respects his Mama as well as each of his family members. I have fallen in love with his family bond. It would be lovely for all families to be like his. I love him for this.

5. He shares my love in nutrition & cooking. (Even if he does eat animals)
Some would say my idea of how we should cook for our families is “high maintenance”. (He might even say that, ha) Yet he thrives to cook a meal every night of the week like I do. He gets excited on the weekend thinking and researching the tasty meals we will cook. That is so sexy. To watch this man from start to finish attempt to keep the kitchen clean, (because that is the way I like it) to attempt to master time management in hopes to have each component be ready at just the right time, to see him cooking for me and for our family is simply lovely. I love him for this.

6. He keeps his hair long and keeps permanent facial hair because I love it.
The fact that Husband does things because “I like it” makes me smile. I love love love his long hair. It is just a HOT MESS. I love his face with scruff. And he hasn’t cut it since the day I told him this. Now that is love in this fucking Texas heat. I love him for this.

7. He looks hot doing a push-up.
Husband likes to stay in shape. This naturally attracts me to him. I like to watch him do push-ups. His arms & back are sexy. I love that he works out. I wish I could watch him body build all day…. Psh.. ok, that would be a little gay. But it is nice to watch him do push-ups. ☺ I love him because of this.

8. He opens the car door for me EVERY time.
This man is old school. (In the good way) He is not so traditional that it gets degrading; it is just the right amount. He loves that I make him coffee every morning, that I do the laundry, that I am home when he comes home and I love that he opens my door, takes out the trash and gets bugs out of the house. I love him for this.

9. He has NEVER been disrespectful to me.
Husband should write the damn manual on “How to be a Man & How to love your wife. He NEVER yells at me. He NEVER says anything nasty to me. He NEVER gives me an unkind eye. He NEVER looses his cool with me. He simply loves me. And it shows in every word, every kiss, and every action he takes. This is just amazing to me and it might just be why I married him. (Well, reason number one.)

10. His name is Jim.
Jim & Jenn. It sounds good together right. Ha. Yep. Duh.

I love Husband.

Ps. Lola Beaner Toot just took the biggest shit of her life so I need to go tend to that.

wouldn't you like to know

Good day. (in aussie accent)

Beaner Toot is evolving at such a rapid rate this past month.

Things that have changed:
She can pull up to a standing position if holding onto support.
She can now get in the "crawl" position. (has yet to make the first real move)
She isn't a laughy girl, but she will screech till your ear drum bursts.
She enjoys being read to.
She falls asleep now facing sideways in a seated position with her head rested on my chest. (so adorable, ugh)


Things that are not changing:
She still isnt a fan of her stroller for a long period of time.
She HATES me walking out of the room.
Has perma-smile.
Sports the biggest blue eyes on the face of this planet.
Can make any old person melt.
Still loves to eat phones.
She makes music by blowing bubbles that makes me giggle.

Well, we miss sweet priss in this house. She has been gone for five days with her aunt in Destin. She is driving home as I type. We are excited for her to return. She was surely home sick. Is there a term for me missing her that is similar to "home sick"? (other than i miss her)

I have been doing a few design projects. It feels good to get back in the game. Since Lo entered this world, I have been on hiatus. I have been spending a lot of time catching up on current new award wining sites and brainstorming. It feels good.

So much more to say, but beaner toot just woke up. Stay tuned...

She eats feet

outdoors

husband is home.
his flight was canceled last night. he didnt arrive until this early morning. i was so happy to see him. i am so proud of jim. he is quite an ambitious one. and that is sexy to me.
after some rest and then play,
we enjoyed some pho and more fun in the sun in the yard. i tried to get lo to roll over for jim but she wasnt into it today. she did it twice yesterday. come on lola, daddy needs to see you laugh and roll over!!! he says since he was gone, her hair grew. she lost all her hair from when she was born. now her new growth is coming in. she will for sure be a strawberry blond. how cute is that?
enjoy.

she is a wise young owl

i just want to share....

she is precious.

eye/hand cordination

i adore this little lady. she is growing so fast. i want her to stop, but i want to to keep going because it is so interesting to watch. if im having a bad day, all i do it turn around...look at her... and the smile she gives me is so strong, so loving. it erases all the stress and i catch her smile.

today she changed. she has control over her hands. well. a little bit. but more than she ever has. and that is exciting to a parent of a newborn.

watch!!!!

that is the first one....

now watch this!!!


she is growing. like a weed. we are watching.

to daddy. the story of my day

daddy,

i hope you had a good day at work. i miss you when you are gone but i know you are working hard to take care of me, sissy, willie and mommy. i appreciate that. i thought about you when i woke up from my nap, and i thought i would tell you the story of my day today through photos.

my day began with you. while mommy made you coffee, i laid with you, woke you up with my restlessness and tooted on you. we talked a while while you enjoyed your coffee. i then kissed you goodbye for the day and went with mommy to take sissy to school. when we got back, you were still here, but i didnt know because i was fast asleep. i had a long nap. when i woke up, mommy had just got out of the shower. so i had tummy time on my boppy while she did her hair to be pretty for you. isnt she pretty... i think so. and her boobies are the best. i know you think so too.


after that we went down stairs and i played for a few minutes on my play mat. i talked to zebra, kicked the shit out of him till he sang to me, and made a new face i have never made before. i like the feeling of my lower lip in my mouth.



then mommy and i had to go to the store to get a few things to make our corn chowder for tonight. she got me a new shampoo by mrs. meyers. i love the smell of it. i like to go to the store with mommy. she carries me in my sling close to her. i feel warm and feel her heart beat. i love it when we are in the car and she looks back at me. i get so excited, i smile so big that you can see all my silly looking gums. mommy told me that she missed you on the way home.

when we got home, i couldnt decide if i wanted to sleep, eat, or play. so i decided to poop three times, slobber so much that i soaked my onsie, eat, then finally sleep. i dreamed that i was napping in your armpit.

while i slept, mommy worked hard at making our dinner. she cut all the veggies and made us home made corn chowder and corn bread. mmm it smelled so yummy. i know you are going to love it. she put extra love in it just for you. look how pretty it was.
when i woke up, we went to go get sissy from school. i get so excited when i see her. she is so exciting to me. i love how loud and silly she is. and her big eyes fascinate me. when we got home, we played in giselle's room. giselle held me, and i watched her play on her new computer you made her. that was so nice of you. it made her so happy. i cant wait to have one of my own. maybe my wallpaper will be bad religion.


i sat in sissy's chair. i like it. can i have one soon? i think i want an orange one. i got tired of it though. because i dont like it when i stay in one place for too long. so i got mad.


but then, mommy held me. i felt so much better. i love it when she takes care of me when i cry. she knows just what to do to to make me feel better. i wanted you to get home soon.

the rest of the night was a blur. i slept in the car on our way to sister's gymnastics. i think you and mommy talked on the way there. you were going to play tennis. i think you are the best tennis player ever. i bet you could beat that nadal guy. i went shopping with mommy at a few stores then picked up giselle. we came home and i had a tough time falling asleep. but mommy finally understood that i wanted to be swaddled and i fell right asleep. i cant wait to wake up at one in the morning and lay next to you and mommy. i love it when you sleep talk and have freak out wake ups. i think i have those too. not the sleep talks but the wake spazes.

well daddy, i just wanted to tell you about how my day was. i know you miss me when you are at work. i miss you bad. i cant wait for the weekend so i can play stand up & spit up with you. you are the best daddy in the world. and even more important, you are such a wonderful husband to mommy.

i love you,
bean

p.s. i cant wait to be with just you on thursday night while mommy takes giselle to the jonas brothers.

Tummy Time

Lola Bean is 13 weeks now. She is just precious.
She can now....
"Coo" & "Goo" which is by far the coolest thing in the world so far.
She can Toot & giggle about it. It is just plane silly.
She recognizes Me, Daddy, Sissy & Angie. The feeling I get when some one else holds her and all she wants to do is find me and smile her biggest smile...well, it is just warming to my heart.
She can kick for things on her play mat. Oh and poops during that too.
Her favorite things include bath time, mirror time, standing time, and sling time.
That sling is a wonderful thing. I am so happy we don't have a kid carrier. I think our bond is better with the sling.
She now sleeps in her crib for all of her naps and for the beginning of her night sleep. She wakes about 1am when I feed her and then bring her into the bed with us. I love co-sleeping. She scoots as close as she can to me. Every time. Her face always ends up in my armpit. Ha
She is still nursing exclusively. She does get a bottle of pumped milk at least once every other day. She does well with that.
Our favorite thing to do with her is talk in foul language in a cutesy manner. The more vulgar the better. We crack up!!!
She is now on a schedule. And I do not like to stray from that. It makes our easy life stressful. She doesn't like a change in her environment. I can see it stresses her out. She wants the same smells, the same visuals, the same sounds, the same blanket, the same nap times. I don't blame her. That is what comforts me. I think it builds trust.
She still takes a pacifier when she is just falling asleep. Then I take it out. I never intended on her taking one. But this little lady wants it. She needs it. It pacifies her. Her little eyes roll back into her head and she falls right to sleep. Why take something away from her that is so helpful and comforting to us all?
Below are two photos. She HATES tummy time. She just looks so uncomfortable and unnatural. So We do modified tummy time. This is how we did it today. She liked it.

Here she is in the beginning.

She then got a little pooped. I can't blame her.

I adore her. Jim said every one talked about how when she comes...that is when you fall right in love with her. They say that is when it all comes into place. I know for me.... this time, I think that didn't happen until about 2 weeks ago. When I knew SHE needed ME. That I am how she survives. That my food for her nourishes her. That she needs me to talk to her in order to develop. That she needs my touch to survive. I am her Mother. And it was about then I fell in love with her. It took longer with her than it did with Giselle. Maybe because I needed Giselle before she even came. With Lola, she joined a happy, loving, healthy family that wanted her here. I had time to fall in love. With no pressure.

It is a wonderful life.